10 years

Let me preface this by telling you two just how grateful I am for my life. I have a good life, and I am very well aware of that fact.

Today is our 10th anniversary. These past 10 years have been the hardest, easiest, happiest, saddest, most amazing years of my life. As you will one day learn, marriage is hard. Marriage is work. The more work you put into it, the better it gets. And boy, have we put work into ours. It hasn't always been a walk in the park, but here we are...still going strong.

Love isn't that fuzzy feeling you get when things are good. True love is much, much more. True love is seeing the big picture, always having a common goal in mind. For us, that common goal is raising two genuinely GOOD human beings. We trust each other's judgments and know that whatever we choose to do, is with the big picture in mind.

I pray that when the time comes that you two find a spouse, that they are good to you. A good spouse carries you with them wherever they go, because you become an extension of each other. I hope that as you get older you understand the difference between love and the idea of love. Love is being there through the hard times, because believe me...there will be hard times. The person that sticks with you when you're not at your best will be the person that will deserve you when you are.

You will have bad days, bad weeks, bad months, even bad years. It won't always be pleasant, and you'll want to throw in the towel. That's perfectly fine, and perfectly normal. Marriage isn't supposed to be easy; if it was, more people would stay married. Right?

Your dad and I met when neither of us even had then slightest idea how to really love. But together, we have grown and we have learned how to be good for each other. We learned how to nurture our marriage and the end result has been (what I hope) will be happy childhood memories for you two. I would like for you to look back and be proud of what we have accomplished, not only for our children, but for ourselves and for each other.

I am grateful for my life. I have you two, and I have your dad. We are best friends. I'm sure along the way it won't always look like that, but we truly are. We will always push each other, because we see each other's full potential. We are simultaneously each other's harshest critics and biggest fans. This is how I hope you will remember us:

A few things we've learned along the way:

• A good song will always be your anchor. So, make it a good one. 

*The day of your dad's Khaki Ball, they played a slideshow of pictures of the season. Each person got to pick their own song to add to this. As a few of the songs played, I wondered if that had been his choice. At the very end of the slideshow, as they were showing pictures of the pinning ceremony I hear the intro cords to "Lucha de Gigantes" by Nacha Pop. I knew IMMEDIATELY that he'd picked this one. I also remembered the day that I played it for him 10 years ago. We were sitting in the car after maybe our second date. I looked around for him, and sure enough as soon as we made eye contact I knew I'd been right. I think this song will always be a reminder of just how far we've come. 

• Laugh with each other, and learn to laugh AT each other. 

As a rule, we try not to take ourselves too seriously. So, when we do something stupid.....the first thing we do is tell each other. There's nothing wrong with having a good laugh, even if it's at each other. 

• Do not be afraid to call each other out on your shit. 

Sometimes we can be each other's harshest critics, and that's not always a bad thing. Do not hesitate to offer CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, it will only make them better. And, they will (hopefully) eventually be grateful for it. 

• Get ready for a fight, and fight fair. 

When you have arguments, and you KNOW you're justified in your anger, stand your ground. Be heard. Make sure you're heard. By the same token, make sure that you won't regret anything you said just because you're angry. If you're angry at this very moment...wait an hour, wait two. If you're still angry then, speak up. Do not make rash accusations. Do not say things you know deep down are below the belt. Be the bigger person, even when you don't want to be. 

• It gets better. It won't always seem like it, but if you tough it out, it will. 

The odds are stacked against you. A lot of your friends will get married, and most of them will get divorced. It's just the way things are. We all get married expecting a fairy tale life, it's not. It won't ever be, so don't expect it to. Be patient; true love isn't found. It's built!

• Be each other's #1 fan, and make a genuine investment in at least one of their interests. 

You don't have to like the same things, in fact you shouldn't. But, try to find at least one thing to share a common ground over, no matter how small.