firstborn

I had you when I was young. I mean REAL young, maybe TOO young. 23 may not be too old to you, but believe me....it is. I went from still asking permission to go out and having a curfew when I was 21, to being married and about to have a kid two years later. Tell me that's not too young?!? You are not allowed to have children until you are 40! (Or at least out of college, rich, and famous ^_^)

I still remember the look on your dad's face when the doctor released us to take you home. We both gave each other a look that said "Now what?" Dad drove home at maybe 10MPH to make sure you got home safe and sound. When we finally did make it home (after what seemed like 2 hours) it hit us....we were responsible for another human being. When it happens to you, you'll realize the monumental amount of weight that seems to be suddenly put on your shoulders. I was so scared to get it wrong; I was so scared that I'd "break" you. I didn't even muster up the courage to give you a bath by myself until you were 3 months old. And even then, I only did it because I was home alone and you'd dirtied yourself. I couldn't leave you like that. I remember calling your dad when I'd finally put you to sleep crying because I'd been so scared the entire time. Eventually it got better, and my confidence as a mother grew. When you were 4 your dad was deployed for a year, and let me tell you something...I wasn't scared of him not being here, I was scared of doing everything on my own. In retrospect, it was the best thing that happened to me as a mother. In that year, I discovered stengths I didn't have. I learned how to be a mom and a dad. Most importantly though, I discovered (even though I knew it all along) how amazing of a human being you are.

You are wise beyond your years. You understood our situation and processed everything in a very mature way, and I was blown away at how well you grasped what was going on. You dealt with his absence in a very reasonable way, but way beyond what I could've ever asked for. I remember sitting you down when you were upset because you missed him and explaining to you why he wasn't home, and you immediately understood. More than understand, you rationalized it and from that moment on, any time that you felt down you immediately shut the sadness out and repeated why he wasn't there. You got me through that year, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

You have taught me more about life in your short 7 years than I'd learned up until the day you were born. I know that we will have (many) fights, we are bound to. I will always push you harder than you want to be pushed. I will ask more of you than you are probably are willing to give. I will challenge you more than you probably will want to be challenged. But always keep in mind, that it's because you are meant to be more.

You are such a brilliant child. Your teachers constantly congratulate me on having such a smart child. Little do they know it's not me, it's all you. You have such a thirst for knowledge, and I hope that that thirst never gets quenched. I hope you go through all your life with such a desire for learning in all things, not just academic. I hope that you are never satisfied with "just enough", that you will always strive for more.

You are destined for great things baby. We all see it. You are meant to be more than I will ever be, and I truly believe that. You are the very best parts of me and your dad. I know that by the time you read this you will be well on your way to achieving whatever it is that you have set your heart and mind on. I can't wait to see you grow up and see you reach your full potential.