This year you even wanted to participate in the talent show. You sang three times: once as a backup for your friend, once on the piano (2 pieces) and in a band with your classmates.
Way to go, baby!
talent show
Can I just say how awesome it is to see you coming out of your shell this year? The older you get, the more confidence you get, and that is just AMAZING to witness!
This year you even wanted to participate in the talent show. You sang three times: once as a backup for your friend, once on the piano (2 pieces) and in a band with your classmates.
This year you even wanted to participate in the talent show. You sang three times: once as a backup for your friend, once on the piano (2 pieces) and in a band with your classmates.
I see you. All of you.
The parts you keep to yourself: the fear, the nerves, the doubt.
I see it. You are better than the lesser parts in you. You are enough. You are MORE than enough.
Your fear is my fear. Your pain is my pain.
_________________________________
Note: I'm finding it pretty hard to put into words what I want to say. So, bare with me. I failed you. For the first time in your life, I feel like I have failed you. Ugh, this is hard.
You are quite possibly one of the most likable kids ever. You're kind, polite, smart, funny, inquisitive, and (unfortunately, in this case) you're extremely nice. Too nice, sometimes.
Kids are assholes. People in general can be assholes, but you being this age (and not having much life experience yet) can make it exceptionally difficult for you to deal with. Your dad and I have tried our best to give you a worry-free childhood. There will be plenty of time for you to see just how ugly people can be, and it's not something that we were ready to show you yet. Soon enough, you will realize just how fucked up people can be, but for now, we wanted you to always see the good in them. When your teachers taught you to deal with bullying and cruelty by just walking away and telling someone, I supported that. I thought it would be enough.
Earlier this year, you had your first run-in with bullying. A child zeroed in and started bullying you. She singled you out, and what's worse, she tried to get others to follow her lead. You stood your ground, and you walked away. You lead others to stop the bullying and made them see that they were just being pawns in her little game. When I got the call about the incident, and after my rage subsided, I was extremely proud. You handled the situation just as you had been instructed to, just as your teachers and I said you should.
When we had this discussion with your dad, he didn't agree with what us, and said that you should defend yourself. He also said if this child ever dared to put her hands on you, you should hit her back. I disagreed with him (behind closed doors, obviously), I didn't think that violence would be solved by more violence. (I was WRONG, but I'll get to that shortly).
The year went on, and the problem seemingly went away. This child seemed to be doing better, you even mentioned a few times that you were on your way to being friends. (Again, I was wrong to tell you to always give people second chances). This past Friday, I got a message from your teacher that we needed to talk. He informed me that there was an incident at school. Long story short, this child repeatedly pushed you. You did not defend yourself, you just brushed it off, and kept walking. He stepped in, thankfully, and addressed the situation and took it upon himself to tell you to defend yourself the moment someone puts their hands on you.
This is where I failed you. I failed you the moment I didn't tell you this myself. I failed to tell you that it is NEVER okay for someone to put their hands on you. You should NEVER allow someone to violate your space, you should NEVER allow someone to push you around, and you should NEVER allow someone to take advantage of you. She took advantage of you, and I promise you she will continue to do so until you take a stand. She locked in on you because you're so kind, and knew you'd be an easy target. I made the mistake of being PC and telling you to turn the other cheek. Don't you ever turn the other cheek at abuse. You defend yourself by any means necessary, you put yourself first. ALWAYS.
I left work immediately and sat down with the dean. I was livid; I wanted answers. Was there something I was missing? Was there something I didn't know? Why would she target you out of everyone? Were you really the one being mean to her and she was just responding? (Because I'm pretty sure this is what she said) Deep down, I already knew the answer. She's a troubled kid, and is having a tough time herself. Tough shit, I know. It sucks and I'm sad for her, as she's probably just a product of her circumstances, but I have a hard time feeling sympathy for someone who is willing to repeatedly abuse you (or any child, for that matter). This is not your burden deal with, this shouldn't fall on your shoulders. You shouldn't allow it to.
You are not responsible for anyone other than yourself. You do not have to be nice to everyone, and not everyone will be nice to you. You do not have to give everyone a second chance (those are earned, not given). You won't get along with everyone, and that's perfectly fine. You don't have to accept everyone's apologies, and you don't always have to be so fucking nice! (I can curse. By the time you read this, it'll totally be cool.)
You are completely okay with being different, and I love that about you. You embrace your little quirks and are brave enough to stand alone with them. You are fiercely independent and a natural born leader, but you are not anyone's keeper. Again, you are responsible for you and you alone.
Stand up yourself. Speak up for yourself. Yes, there are adults who will be there to provide the first line of defense (as they've done, and for that I am immensely grateful), but if that doesn't work....be your own protector! If someone ever dares to put their hands on you, defend yourself. I PROMISE I will never punish you for defending yourself. On the contrary, I will applaud you the day you put someone in their place for trying to step out of line with you. The world isn't what 9 year old you knows it to be; it's much harsher and much meaner. I want to know that you will be able to face it with the correct tools, and I promise to never fail to arm you with the confidence to protect yourself ever again.
_________________________________
This past week was pretty tough for you. But, you will rise above. You will get right back up. You will move mountains.
The parts you keep to yourself: the fear, the nerves, the doubt.
I see it. You are better than the lesser parts in you. You are enough. You are MORE than enough.
Your fear is my fear. Your pain is my pain.
_________________________________
Note: I'm finding it pretty hard to put into words what I want to say. So, bare with me. I failed you. For the first time in your life, I feel like I have failed you. Ugh, this is hard.
You are quite possibly one of the most likable kids ever. You're kind, polite, smart, funny, inquisitive, and (unfortunately, in this case) you're extremely nice. Too nice, sometimes.
Kids are assholes. People in general can be assholes, but you being this age (and not having much life experience yet) can make it exceptionally difficult for you to deal with. Your dad and I have tried our best to give you a worry-free childhood. There will be plenty of time for you to see just how ugly people can be, and it's not something that we were ready to show you yet. Soon enough, you will realize just how fucked up people can be, but for now, we wanted you to always see the good in them. When your teachers taught you to deal with bullying and cruelty by just walking away and telling someone, I supported that. I thought it would be enough.
Earlier this year, you had your first run-in with bullying. A child zeroed in and started bullying you. She singled you out, and what's worse, she tried to get others to follow her lead. You stood your ground, and you walked away. You lead others to stop the bullying and made them see that they were just being pawns in her little game. When I got the call about the incident, and after my rage subsided, I was extremely proud. You handled the situation just as you had been instructed to, just as your teachers and I said you should.
When we had this discussion with your dad, he didn't agree with what us, and said that you should defend yourself. He also said if this child ever dared to put her hands on you, you should hit her back. I disagreed with him (behind closed doors, obviously), I didn't think that violence would be solved by more violence. (I was WRONG, but I'll get to that shortly).
The year went on, and the problem seemingly went away. This child seemed to be doing better, you even mentioned a few times that you were on your way to being friends. (Again, I was wrong to tell you to always give people second chances). This past Friday, I got a message from your teacher that we needed to talk. He informed me that there was an incident at school. Long story short, this child repeatedly pushed you. You did not defend yourself, you just brushed it off, and kept walking. He stepped in, thankfully, and addressed the situation and took it upon himself to tell you to defend yourself the moment someone puts their hands on you.
This is where I failed you. I failed you the moment I didn't tell you this myself. I failed to tell you that it is NEVER okay for someone to put their hands on you. You should NEVER allow someone to violate your space, you should NEVER allow someone to push you around, and you should NEVER allow someone to take advantage of you. She took advantage of you, and I promise you she will continue to do so until you take a stand. She locked in on you because you're so kind, and knew you'd be an easy target. I made the mistake of being PC and telling you to turn the other cheek. Don't you ever turn the other cheek at abuse. You defend yourself by any means necessary, you put yourself first. ALWAYS.
I left work immediately and sat down with the dean. I was livid; I wanted answers. Was there something I was missing? Was there something I didn't know? Why would she target you out of everyone? Were you really the one being mean to her and she was just responding? (Because I'm pretty sure this is what she said) Deep down, I already knew the answer. She's a troubled kid, and is having a tough time herself. Tough shit, I know. It sucks and I'm sad for her, as she's probably just a product of her circumstances, but I have a hard time feeling sympathy for someone who is willing to repeatedly abuse you (or any child, for that matter). This is not your burden deal with, this shouldn't fall on your shoulders. You shouldn't allow it to.
You are not responsible for anyone other than yourself. You do not have to be nice to everyone, and not everyone will be nice to you. You do not have to give everyone a second chance (those are earned, not given). You won't get along with everyone, and that's perfectly fine. You don't have to accept everyone's apologies, and you don't always have to be so fucking nice! (I can curse. By the time you read this, it'll totally be cool.)
You are completely okay with being different, and I love that about you. You embrace your little quirks and are brave enough to stand alone with them. You are fiercely independent and a natural born leader, but you are not anyone's keeper. Again, you are responsible for you and you alone.
Stand up yourself. Speak up for yourself. Yes, there are adults who will be there to provide the first line of defense (as they've done, and for that I am immensely grateful), but if that doesn't work....be your own protector! If someone ever dares to put their hands on you, defend yourself. I PROMISE I will never punish you for defending yourself. On the contrary, I will applaud you the day you put someone in their place for trying to step out of line with you. The world isn't what 9 year old you knows it to be; it's much harsher and much meaner. I want to know that you will be able to face it with the correct tools, and I promise to never fail to arm you with the confidence to protect yourself ever again.
_________________________________
This past week was pretty tough for you. But, you will rise above. You will get right back up. You will move mountains.
goodbye number whatever
Another year, another goodbye.
Thank you for taking it all in stride.
In the end, it's for YOU
(even if it doesn't always look like it)
