{s u n} d a y s.
(Breaking in the new grass in the backyard)
an open letter on feminism
As I'm sitting watching one of you do homework and the other outside riding your bike, I feel the sudden urge to pour my heart out to you both. There is so much that I want to tell you, and I hope that these words convey my position and stance on all things feminist.
Feminism
fem·i·nism
noun
- The theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes.
- Organized activity on behalf of women's right and interests.
Today is International Women's Day. I say this without apologies or reservations: I am a feminist. Not the man bashing, bra-burning, sign-holding kind of feminist, but the kind that will hopefully raise two successful women more than capable of proving their worth based on their own achievements, rather than by the last name they end up taking. I also believe (although he might be inclined to not agree with me) that your dad is a feminist as well. I think you kind of have to be, to be raising two girls, wouldn't you agree?
I hope that by the time you two are adults and out in the real world, that you are given an equal opportunity as your male counterparts, regardless of your gender. And being a feminist is just that, the belief that you should be given opportunities based solely on your merit.
You can be a teacher, you can be a doctor, you can be Commander-in-Chief, or you can be a stay-at-home-mom...if you so choose. These are all YOUR choices, and your power comes from the ability to make that choice.
As I'm sitting here making this grand declaration of feminism, I ask myself: am I, really?
As I stand now, I am your primary caretaker. I attend most of your school functions, take you to your doctors appointments, do most of the housework, do laundry. Does that make me oppressed? No. Do I do these things because it's my "place" as a woman? No. I do them, because I want to and more importantly, because I can. Does that make me any less of a feminist? Of course not. By the same token, would I be anti-feminist if I was a stay at home mom? No. Being a feminist to me, is the knowledge that you can do whatever you want to do, no matter what that may be.
You will hear both sides of this argument many times in your lifetime. If you stay at home and do all the "woman" duties you are setting back feminism movement by giving into misogyny. You are an oppressed woman, victim of society. If you work a full time job, you are a "bad mother" who neglects her kids; a "bad wife" for sticking your husband with the children while you go out to burn your bra for the all of the feminists of the world.
I am not setting my fellow bra-wearers back by being my daughters' caretaker. It is MY choice. I believe that proving just how capable I am of managing things make me worthy of calling myself a feminist. I am no more or less valuable than your dad in our marriage. We are equals. Regardless of gender or annual salary: we are equals in our marriage and in your lives. I am no more valuable because I am involved more in your everyday details and he is no less valuable because he comes home just as you are going to bed. He is not any less of a man because he helps out (a lot) with housework and I am no less of a woman because I let him. He cooks, I clean. I clean, he cooks. He works, I work. See how that works?
"The feminist movement taught women to see themselves as victims of an oppressive patriarchy...self-imposed victimhood is not a recipe for happiness."
-Phyllis Schaffly
You are not a victim. You are a choice. You are a blank canvas on which you will be the sole artist. You will alone be the defining factor in your future and your life. It is no one else's choice but yours. Your greatest strength will be not letting anyone make that choice for you.
"Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream."
-Rush Limbaugh
You will frequently hear comments, most the of the time from other women themselves about feminists being the ugly, fat women who can't get/keep a man. I really NEED you to understand that feminists are the ones who don't need a man, the ones who have a man because they want him, but are more than capable of living without one. The ones who don't need validation or acceptance from a man to feel beautiful, those are the women you want to surround yourself with because THOSE women are forces to be reckoned with. THOSE women are changing the world.
My hope for you girls is that you become involved in relationships with people who lift you up. If you make female friends, I hope that they are the type of women to celebrate you for your accomplishments and who will drive you to success without tearing you down. I hope that you are the type of friend to bask in your friends' achievements as if they were your own. I hope that when you become romantically involved with someone, you don't neglect these friendships, because in times of heartache, they will be your saving grace. Also, when you become involved in the aforementioned relationship, I hope that they value your worth. If for some reason they don't, I hope you have the courage to know that you do NOT have to stay with anyone. You alone choose how you live your life. Never let someone make that choice for you.
The honest to God truth is (and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise), is that you can do it ALL. I promise you, you can do it all. It is solely up to you what you choose to be and do with your life. And that my precious babies, is what will make you the biggest feminists in the world.
So girls, grow up strong, grow up independent, grow up bold. Don't let anyone tell you that you are bossy while your make counterpart gets called assertive. Don't let them tell you that you can't sleep with who you want because you are a slut while a man is allowed and sometimes even encouraged to "sew their oats". Don't let someone else speak for you. Your voice is the strongest weapon you have. Use it. Always.
I hope that by the time you two are adults and out in the real world, that you are given an equal opportunity as your male counterparts, regardless of your gender. And being a feminist is just that, the belief that you should be given opportunities based solely on your merit.
You can be a teacher, you can be a doctor, you can be Commander-in-Chief, or you can be a stay-at-home-mom...if you so choose. These are all YOUR choices, and your power comes from the ability to make that choice.
As I'm sitting here making this grand declaration of feminism, I ask myself: am I, really?
As I stand now, I am your primary caretaker. I attend most of your school functions, take you to your doctors appointments, do most of the housework, do laundry. Does that make me oppressed? No. Do I do these things because it's my "place" as a woman? No. I do them, because I want to and more importantly, because I can. Does that make me any less of a feminist? Of course not. By the same token, would I be anti-feminist if I was a stay at home mom? No. Being a feminist to me, is the knowledge that you can do whatever you want to do, no matter what that may be.
You will hear both sides of this argument many times in your lifetime. If you stay at home and do all the "woman" duties you are setting back feminism movement by giving into misogyny. You are an oppressed woman, victim of society. If you work a full time job, you are a "bad mother" who neglects her kids; a "bad wife" for sticking your husband with the children while you go out to burn your bra for the all of the feminists of the world.
I am not setting my fellow bra-wearers back by being my daughters' caretaker. It is MY choice. I believe that proving just how capable I am of managing things make me worthy of calling myself a feminist. I am no more or less valuable than your dad in our marriage. We are equals. Regardless of gender or annual salary: we are equals in our marriage and in your lives. I am no more valuable because I am involved more in your everyday details and he is no less valuable because he comes home just as you are going to bed. He is not any less of a man because he helps out (a lot) with housework and I am no less of a woman because I let him. He cooks, I clean. I clean, he cooks. He works, I work. See how that works?
You are not a victim. You are a choice. You are a blank canvas on which you will be the sole artist. You will alone be the defining factor in your future and your life. It is no one else's choice but yours. Your greatest strength will be not letting anyone make that choice for you.
My hope for you girls is that you become involved in relationships with people who lift you up. If you make female friends, I hope that they are the type of women to celebrate you for your accomplishments and who will drive you to success without tearing you down. I hope that you are the type of friend to bask in your friends' achievements as if they were your own. I hope that when you become romantically involved with someone, you don't neglect these friendships, because in times of heartache, they will be your saving grace. Also, when you become involved in the aforementioned relationship, I hope that they value your worth. If for some reason they don't, I hope you have the courage to know that you do NOT have to stay with anyone. You alone choose how you live your life. Never let someone make that choice for you.
The honest to God truth is (and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise), is that you can do it ALL. I promise you, you can do it all. It is solely up to you what you choose to be and do with your life. And that my precious babies, is what will make you the biggest feminists in the world.
Here's to STRONG WOMEN.
May we know them.
May we be them.
May we raise them.
